Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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