Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
