Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
