Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
