her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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