He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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