Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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