I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
