don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
