My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
