Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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