3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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