How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
