So drunk its hurt
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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