Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
