Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
