She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
