my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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