SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
