I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
