I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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