weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
