Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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