I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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