just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
