With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
