I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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