i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
