P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
