I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
