i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
