Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
