He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
