Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
