Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
