Cold hands, warm shart.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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