Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
