he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
