My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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