we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
