My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
