you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
