Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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