My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
