Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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