when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they need to just BURY HIM!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
