i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
