i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
