I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
