the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
