I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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