She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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