You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
