Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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